The Moments After

It’s like the fire that was lit within
Has dwindled,
Withered,
Faded to oblivion.
Leaving but a trace of who I was
Scattered across photos
My writings,
My loves.
I do not wish to pursue anything
No longer dream of a world
With all of us,
Together,
Peacefully living.
With no worries,
Just time,
Just a place to feel free.
I believed it were possible
If we made it a habit on our knees.
And all would be forgiven
And you’d live to see me succeed.
But for once I feel nothing
And truly feel lost.
Like I had to pay for my security
And you were the cost.
Been so long since a passing
Had hit so close to home.
And the memories keep replaying
Though my heart has grown cold.
Is it normal to feel angry?
Is it normal to feel alone?
Is it normal to blame Him
Even though you chose to go?
Grieving seems unhealthy
When they expect you to be strong.
But how can I hold this family up
If I can’t find the strength to move on?

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

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Movin’ On

Take a look in the mirror
And tell me what you see
Isn’t this what you wanted?
Just what you wanted for me
But a smile never falls on your face.
Im feeling so down
And out, and so misplaced
Living your life through my eyes.
So disappointed, and at night I cry

This can’t be it
I need another lifeline.
I can’t be your everything,
I gotta do something for me.
And If I had one wish
Oh I would change your mind.
And show you that I can grow, on my own
My way

Said I can’t do this,
Cuz I dont know where Id be without you.
But I gotta do this,
Because one day im not gonna have you.
To live my life, so its about that time.
I be movin on, Movin on
On my own

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

All I Want Is A Door

I no longer remember a place called home
Or the last time anyone was welcomed at my door
Who knew these memories be the ones I miss.
As I wonder these streets all alone
What made me laugh doesn’t anymore
For I been reduced to nothing more than this

Homeless, and nothing more than this
This box, the only place I can consider my home
Been so long, I don’t count the days anymore
I just sit here begging, praying for a door
To shelter me from the heat, cold, and being alone
If I ever made it out, this box I will not miss

Strangers do ask me what it is I miss
As if there has to be something much more than this
As if there is a cure to being abandoned alone
And how I may not have a roof, but I have a home
And I ask “do you know the value of a door?”
Because you will, once you don’t have it anymore

Those days I just don’t want to be here anymore
It stirs up these feelings I long for and miss
Never thought I’d be one to darken a door
This was not my choice, I didn’t ask for this
To stand here begging for food in front of a home
Belonging to a family who wish I’d leave them alone

But what do they know of being alone?
Or how it feels to be told “Scum! don’t come back anymore!”
Or what it means to really have a home
How it feels to have memories of simplicity to truly miss.
I’d wish this on no one, even they don’t deserve this
I know I now understand the value of a door

I believe we all take for granted the luxury of a door
And what it really means to be forgotten, to be alone
I pray there is a life for me beyond this
Because I just can’t take the pain anymore
I want to hold everything I miss
I want the warm embrace of a home

I’m tired of being alone, I don’t want this anymore
I want to leave this box I call a home, I want the one I miss
All I really want is this; All I really ask for is a door

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

Our Bond is Surely Broken

Remember when we were so tight
No one could break us down Without a fight
{The war has just begun, and we losing}
Loading the clips of truth and dare
Who woulda knew those be the last laughs we shared
{The war wages on, We still losing}
Cant believe your gone
You were my best friend
But we all moved on
Or maybe it just depends

Just because I’m gone today
We don’t have to slip away
Can’t believe we let distractions
Come and take that away
Yet we’re sittin here right now
Reminiscing by the sounds
Though our bond is surely broken
We can fix this somehow

We we’re like sisters, got along greatly,
Now we older, and you tryin to replace me
Let the distance takes us down now, how true
Now we’re older, and it’s like I never knew you

3 years passed since I last saw you
Be 3 more now that we can’t be coo
{Bitterness aroused, its consuming}
Keep reminding me how I was the one to leave
And blaming me for your broken dreams
{Oh the war blazes now, We still losing}
Our damaged friendship grows
It’s in need of sum mending
We’re reaping what we sew
What’s the point in this pretending

Just because I’m gone today
We don’t have to slip away
Can’t believe we let distractions
Come and take that away
Yet we’re sittin here right now
Reminiscing by the sounds
Though our bond is surely broken
We can fix this somehow

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

A World Apart

Exhausted

I began counting sheep

Then stumbled off into troubled sleep.

My mind went back to a vivid dream

Only much of it had changed,

Fear rose in my chest,

Nothing was what it seemed.

 

A place so dark

It rang all night for the dead.

The consequences of their choices

Filled my mind, and with dread.

 

I try to clear my mind

For I could not see clear.

To escape the angry voices

I could not see,

But feared.

 

Lost, I wondered

What is this to me?

A dream,

The place of my usual serenity

Or a nightmare,

A haunting sight that seared a memory?

 

Or could this just be a bad dream?

No, it was not a nightmare,

It was

Reality

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

A Child’s Prayer

Young and hopeful as I am,
As it gets dark
I fold my hands.
I close my eyes
With hopes that I might,
Receive this wish I wish tonight.

My Daddy went away last night.
Said he be back
To kiss me goodnight.
So I waited up,
That cold stormy night,
Then I cried
For he never returned

So This is what I wish tonight.
I wish daddy would be a part of my life
I wish he and mamma never fight.
I wish they may, I wish they might,
Smile together.
Even if it’s just,
For one night

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes

This is actually a song sung to the rhythm of “Star Light, Star Bright” o start, then mellows out.  I was actually 5 when I first wrote this, revised it a few years later, and I think this is one of my best works to date.  I still remember talking to my friend and how she felt when her parents announced they were getting a divorce.  I also remember how I felt when my parents later did the same.  Nothing can ever really prepare a child for the moment when love changes.

Broken

This was our family’s touchstone

It held so much history and our hopes,

We couldn’t escape the vigilantes,

There was just no place to go.

Feeling empty and confused

And through tearful eyes, I cried

Now look at our family’s touchstone,

They took all it had inside.

Nothing could protect us

And things were not the same

We lost our identity, our touchstone…..

Everything had changed.

They took everything from us

And I met reality face to face,

We have just become a number,

Family One Nine Seven, Eight Eight

Venice Renee-Lynn Hughes